I have trouble with inspiration since a long time. Sometimes I have no inspiration at all, sometimes not enough, other times I have but it disappears quickly and mysteriously, like early snow in the sunlight. Often I just sit here, think about all the dreams I want to make true, and all the things I should pay attention to, but I just sit, stare at my desk, and can’t do anything. I want to… but I can’t. But today, when was about to go sleep, suddenly I realized something. Suddenly, I found something, that, despite being tired and wanting to sleep, forced me to get up again, turn the computer back on, make a coffee and start writing a blog post about inspiration.
I’m looking at photos I’ve taken in India and Ladakh, and watching videos on YouTube, showing places where I was too, and experiences I experienced too. And as strange as it sounds, I feel both great happiness and great sadness in the same time. I’m sitting here, in front of the computer in a little dark room… why? I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t be doing this… doing nothing.
Most of my friends and acquittance know that I was doing some basic 3D modeling as part of my Second Life content creator activities. But honestly, my knowledge and experience was very basic and vague, limited to the creation of shapes by manually moving around vertices (points of the mesh making up 3D objects) mostly, using but one or two basic ones of the many advanced tools only. Really it was only good to create the limited simple custom shapes available in Second Life at that time, and known as “sculpted primitives“. Then some time later the more advanced 3D technology came to SL, allowing the creation and use of complex meshes, or in other words, 3D objects with much less limitations than sculpted prims, but my knowledge wasn’t adequite to make them, even though I understood the theory of it, I lacked practical, technical knowledge. At that time I used an old and very outdated copy of 3D Studio Max, which is (or in case of that copy, was at its time) one of the most widely used professional 3D modeling programs along with Maya, Blender, and a few more.
I wanted to catch up, and finally I decided I will start learning more about 3D so I can create these new mesh objects in Second Life. But honestly, I found using 3DS Max very complicate, and it had many features I disliked, like how it treated the 3 dimensional coordinate systems for example, it often confused me and messed up my work, not to mention instability and the obscurity of its functions. Also, it was an old copy of a proprietary software, and I thought if I learn, I should learn the latest technology, but I didn’t have $1800 for the latest 3DS Max, not to mention that even if I had, I would find it ridiculous to spend that much money if there is any other option. Well, there is!
Hard to express with words the feelings in me right now. It is 3 in the morning, and I just woke from a dream, and am still under its effect. I had similar dreams many times but now… it was somehow different, much more real, much more emotional. How these dreams always start, is that I am at some amazing place, usually in a city with lot of beautiful, atmospheric old buildings. Then I just notice something worthy of a photo, so I took out my professional camera – that I have in my dream, as opposed to reality – and start taking pictures. But the dream is always rough, I don’t even really feel, see the camera or the image. This time however, it was extremely realistic. I felt everything as clear as possible: the touch of the camera body, the grip on it, its shape, its weight, the pressure on my fingers caused by the weight shifting as I lift it up… I remember what I’ve seen through the viewfinder, how I adjusted the settings, how I set up exposure… But the most important is, that the camera in my dream was not just any generic camera – it was one given model, one only saw on pictures yet, but I expect it to change my life.