I have trouble with inspiration since a long time. Sometimes I have no inspiration at all, sometimes not enough, other times I have but it disappears quickly and mysteriously, like early snow in the sunlight. Often I just sit here, think about all the dreams I want to make true, and all the things I should pay attention to, but I just sit, stare at my desk, and can’t do anything. I want to… but I can’t. But today, when was about to go sleep, suddenly I realized something. Suddenly, I found something, that, despite being tired and wanting to sleep, forced me to get up again, turn the computer back on, make a coffee and start writing a blog post about inspiration.
I’m looking at photos I’ve taken in India and Ladakh, and watching videos on YouTube, showing places where I was too, and experiences I experienced too. And as strange as it sounds, I feel both great happiness and great sadness in the same time. I’m sitting here, in front of the computer in a little dark room… why? I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t be doing this… doing nothing.
I have been thinking a lot lately. I made quite a few mistakes, and I need a lifestyle change – or more correctly said: I need to get back to a lifestyle I lost many many years ago. I also reconsidered my current direction and efforts, including my Camino project idea and this blog – you can already see a totally new design and quite a few new features. I changed many things already and more changes are in plan. Let me explain…
I promised months ago that I start writing down my memories of the journey in India and Ladakh, and didn’t write anything since. You may wonder why – and I shall tell you. But it’s not an easy answer, I have share thoughts and feelings from the depths of my heart, and hope that you understand. I have dreams, and my imagination is full of so many shapes, colors, whole Universes waiting for break free. And I try to create – as creation is what seems to keep me still going. But every day, every hour, ever second I fight a war with the World around, that doesn’t dream anymore, that instead tries to kill everyone else’s dreams too. And often I feel too alone… even though I know, there are still other dreamers out there, fighting the same fight. Now, I invite you into my own dreams, my own heart, my own struggle and give you my eyes to see.
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
- W. B. Yeats